So, How Do You Know?

Since J and got married I was dead set on having 4 or more children. I’ve always wanted that big family, lots of little feet scampering around the house, lots of hugs and kisses to be had, large family gatherings as they got older and started having children of their own. But how do you know when you are truly done? At this point in my life, I can’t ever imagine not having sweet little baby cheeks to smooch on, or a baby to nurse, or a squishy newborn to wrap in a snugly wrap. So, how do you know?

J is bound and determined that we will not have more than 3 children, and as of now I have to respect that. I hope that after we do have another sweet baby that he too will hope for more, but then what if he never changes his mind? What if after our third child I never have the opportunity to experience the sweet kicks of a precious growing baby, or the joy of washing, folding and putting away newborn clothing… what if I never get to see the magic of a mommy milk coma again? What if I can’t wrap a brand new baby in soft newborn cloth diapers again? So, how do you know?

Even with the two we have I get completely frazzled and overwhelmed sometimes, there are days when I say I don’t want to have another child period because of how naughty a certain little girl has been or how clingy a certain little monster has been… but then I go to bed that night after cuddling with my sweet boy and think, no… I can’t be done. So, how do you know?

I can’t imagine our children growing up without more siblings, I can’t imagine our children coming home and it just being the two with their families. I imagine and dream of much more than that… I see 3-4 (or more) children coming home with grandchildren to celebrate holidays with. I see big family gatherings just to be together, Sunday afternoon dinners, big family birthday bashes. I can’t imagine any less. So, how do you know?

It may sound crazy to a lot of people, but I enjoy birthing… I love what a mother’s body can do to bring a child into the world. I love the smell of a brand new baby, the way they snuggle into your chest ready to nurse. I love the absolute joy Boogie has when she can make her Bubby giggle… the absolute innocence of their bond. I can’t imagine not seeing more of that joy with more baby giggles… more first steps, more first Christmas’s, more first birthdays. I just can’t. So, how do you know?

How do you know?